Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize