Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize