discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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