i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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