I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize