All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
