Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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