i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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