i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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