Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
