It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
