I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
