So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think people are normalizing furries
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
