He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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