You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
