guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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