I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The struggles of a small town man whore
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
