was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
