Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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