Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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