she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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