I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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