Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
