So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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