do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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