You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
