since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
