soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
