some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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