im about as happy as oj after his trial
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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