Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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