I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
