there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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