I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
