So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
