But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
