You're completely useless in the revolution.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
