Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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