HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
NoShamevember. You game?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
