Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
