So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
