Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
