I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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