By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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