i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
