I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
