Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
