i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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