I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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