Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
