Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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