When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
