shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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