where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
