so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
