tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
