What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
