There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
