She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize