Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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