so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
