I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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