his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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