my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
