Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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