Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
