We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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