Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
