I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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