it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
