my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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