Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
