One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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