Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
