Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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