the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
