I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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