I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
