Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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