Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
