I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
