she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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