Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
