so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
