We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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