I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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