I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I need a burrito and a hug.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
