theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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