Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
