And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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