Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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