Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
