Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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