see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
