we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
