Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
honey bunches of taint.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
