I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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