whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
