people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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