Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
