If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We are two peas in an std pod
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
