Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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