doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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