My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
