i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh god it's open bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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