So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
